Spiritual parenting is the most significant thing leaders in the church can do to make the church function like a family instead of an organization or institution.
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The Lord is turning the hearts of fathers toward their sons and the hearts of sons toward their fathers. He is also causing a great hunger for spiritual fathers and mothers. Malachi speaks of this prophetically in Malachi 4:5-6. Jeremiah 31:13 teaches that the young and old will serve together.
Spiritual parenting is the most significant thing leaders in the church can do to make the church function like a family instead of an organization or institution.
Our God is a God of families
Ephesians 3:14-15 speaks of His whole family in heaven and earth. The church is not an institution; it is a family. In 2 Corinthians 6:17-18, the Lord says, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters.” For a family to be healthy, there needs to be parental guidance. You can impress people from a distance, but you can only change them up close!
The need for spiritual fathering
According to 1 Corinthians 4:15-17, there are “ten thousand instructors, but not many fathers.” Because of the lack of spiritual fathers, many spiritual children today are aborted (fall away). The church has often focused on meetings rather than on fathering! Timothy was “fathered” by Paul. Fathering takes time and effort, but it is worth it all! Stable spiritual families have spiritual parents.
Fathering starts in the small group. A small-group leader is a spiritual parent. One person cannot be an effective spiritual father to a large group of people. Jesus fathered twelve men and then sent them out to be spiritual fathers. Pastors, elders, and church leaders are called by God to be spiritual midwives to train/teach all of us to be spiritual fathers.
Small groups are not a program of the church, but an expression of family life and spiritual parenting. They give an opportunity for spiritual moms and dads to train spiritual children who will soon have their own spiritual families as they become spiritual parents themselves.
You can be a parent, regardless of your experience. Even if you never had the input of a natural parent in your life, you still have the capacity to become a parent. The same truth applies to becoming a spiritual parent. God is a Father to the fatherless.
Three levels of spiritual authority: children, young men, and fathers
According to 1 John 2:12-14, we are either spiritual babies, spiritual young men or women, or spiritual fathers or mothers. In every church and in every small group, it is important to understand the spiritual maturity level of each person. Eventually, all of us should become spiritual parents.
1. Spiritual children
Children know their sins are forgiven, and they know the Father. Every small group should have babies—brand-new believers. It is exciting to see how the Lord answers children’s prayers even when their prayers may not always be theologically correct. But that is okay, because they are babies!
The sad thing is that the church can be filled with children (some who are fifty years old) who have never grown up! We should create a culture in which there is an expectation that everyone will mature in Christ. It is the natural tendency of babies and children to be selfish. But we expect children to grow up.
2. Spiritual young men and women
Spiritual young men and women have overcome the wicked one and know the Word of God abides in them. They have learned to feed themselves.
Young people can often be arrogant and dogmatic and need to be “tempered” by fatherhood. They need to become fathers and experience its joys and disciplines. The only way to become a father is to have children—either by adoption or by natural birth. Reading and memorizing scriptures from the Bible is not enough! Most young men and women do not feel ready to have their first child, both in the natural and in the spiritual. But the Lord gives them grace for parenting!
3. Spiritual fathers and mothers
It is God’s will for everyone to become a spiritual parent. Small-group ministry is an ideal structure for spiritual parenting. The small group is a spiritual family. The small-group leader and assistant leaders are spiritual parents.
Parents take responsibility for children and young men or women. Fathers have a heart of compassion. They see the whole picture. They have experienced many seasons of life.
Start with one spiritual child (for a season) and help him or her grow in relationship with Christ. The heart of every healthy father is to give a double “portion” to his son, just as Elijah passed on a double anointing to Elisha.
Created to become spiritual parents
Evangelist Mario Murillo once said, “To do anything less than what you were created to do will bore you.” You were created to be a spiritual parent!
The key to being a father is to know the Father. Jesus gives us life. We must give it away or we become sluggish and bored, not living up to our full potential. Giving away what God has given to us releases joy!
It is time for the church to take up the mantle of spiritual parenting. Jesus took twelve untrained men (Mark 3:14) and fathered them for three and a half years. He calls us to do the same.
The promise to Abraham
God called Abraham to be the father of many nations. In Genesis 15:4-6, God instructed Abraham to go outside at night to look at the stars. He told Abraham that he would have as many descendants as the stars. Abraham believed God, and the spiritual multiplication began. In Genesis 17:1-7, God even changed his name from Abram (meaning “honored father”) to Abraham, meaning “father of many nations.”
The reward of being a spiritual parent
Paul spoke about his sons being his glory or reward in 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, 19-20. Our spiritual children will bring us joy as they fulfill their destiny in Christ Jesus.
Paul refers to Timothy as his son in 2 Timothy 2:2 and exhorts him to train other sons (faithful men) who can teach others.
Training should include
- practical Christian living (like devotions)
- managing finances God’s way
- how to love our spouses and children
- being a good steward of time and talents
- much more.
Dysfunctional parents vs. healthy parents
Only a dysfunctional parent would try to keep his son or daughter at home to help him fulfill his vision. Healthy parents desire to send out their sons and daughters to start their own homes. This is why small groups multiply, and this is why churches need to multiply and plant new churches. Fathers desire to see their children grow up and have their own homes and families.
Spiritual parenting in every sphere of church life
Spiritual parenting applies to everyone. It starts at the grassroots level and extends to all areas of leadership.
- Small-group leaders and assistant leaders. Small-group leadership is all about caring for the group members and seeing them “grow up” into mature ministers and disciplers. Small-group members are the spiritual children in the group.
- Local church leaders (lead elders, elders, and pastors). Local church leaders are to be spiritual fathers. Mature fathers release their children to step out and try new things. They protect them but also allow them to make mistakes. Secure local church leaders have the glory of seeing their sons develop as leaders and succeed.
- Overseers of local church leadership (apostolic fathers and mothers). Apostolic parents are experienced mature leaders who will mentor, coach, train, support, trust, and believe in local church leaders or church planters. Their parenting gives the younger leaders a great sense of protection and confidence to go for it and pursue the call of God on their lives.
Why is there a lack of spiritual parents in the church today?
Ignorance. Acts 17:30 says that “these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands men everywhere to repent.” Now we know that we are called to spiritual parenting.
Apathy. Getting caught up in the things of the world can quickly distract us from being a spiritual parent. Revelation 3:19 tells us to repent and become enthusiastic about the things of God (LB). We must make spiritual parenting a priority in our lives.
Insecurity. “How could God use me?” we ask. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us God has not given us a spirit of fear. We must believe God has given us spiritual treasures to be passed on to others.
Hurts from the past. Perhaps you have been in a relationship of being a spiritual parent or spiritual son or daughter, and you got hurt. Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:16-17, “…all forsook me, may it not be charged against them, but the Lord stood with me and strengthened me.” We have all been mistreated and disappointed. God is looking for us to rise in obedience, move beyond fear, and serve courageously. The Bible is full of people who had good reasons to quit!
Lack of modeling. Even if you never had a parent’s guidance (natural or spiritual), you can make a difference in the next generation! God is a Father to the fatherless. He will teach you. Some of the best spiritual fathers have never had the input of a natural father in their lives. When we take a step of obedience and become a spiritual parent to others, the Lord will often provide spiritual parents for us. We reap what we sow!
Spiritual families
Ezekiel saw a vision of a river coming from the temple of God. The river brought life everywhere it went (Ezekiel 47:1-12). Without the life of Christ flowing, the things that we do will be dead.
When life is flowing, there needs to be some kind of structure. For example, when a baby is born, it needs a family to take care of it.
Man was created for trust and relationship with God and for relationship with each other.
Spiritual families cannot just start in a large group, but by focusing on the people that God has placed us with. Build relationships from the smallest common denominator.
The role of a leader in promoting spiritual families
- Realize that we are here for the sake of the world around us.
- Encourage and provide the proper spiritual family structure conducive to building God’s Kingdom.
- Understand the sphere which God has appointed to us. 2 Corinthians 10:12-17
- Know that God holds us accountable for those in our sphere. We need to pray for those who watch over us, because they are held accountable for us. Hebrews 13:17
Learn more about spiritual parenting
The Church has a desperate need for spiritually mature women and men to mentor younger believers to be faithful servants of Christ. This book includes proven biblical keys for godly mentoring success. Discover why spiritual mother- and fatherhood is every believer’s calling, and find out how to nurture a spiritual family that expands the kingdom of God.
